Dear Bartender at Blue Water Grill
Dear Bartender at Blue Water Grill,
Hi. How are you? Great. How am I, you ask? Well, let's see. It's 7:30 P.M. and I'm completely hungover. So, thanks for that. Yeah well, here's a little tip. If you see two ladies-- no, two hot chicks walk into your bar at 1:00 in the afternoon and say, "we want liquor", why must you listen? Your job is to take care of your customers, NOT to bring their stupid ideas to fruition.
So, as you're cashing out tonight and chuckling at the ridiculously generous tip you got from those two broads, I'll give you a little looksee into how the rest of my day went.
I was brought home in a cab (safety first). The babysitter smugly listens as I'm explain the cab situation. I'm sure she thought I was super classy. Then, on her check, where it says: memo, I wrote, "LIQUID LUNCH". Certainly her mother will appreciate that. Then, I was greeted by my children and a 12 decibel round of " EVAN CALLED, CAN WE GO PLAY,. CAN WE? CAN WE? CAN WE? MOM. MOM. MAMA. MOM? CAN WE GO TO EVAN'S? MOM. MOM?" My first thought was, "hells yeah you can go". My second thought was, "Shit. I can't drive them". So, I called over to Evan's to explain that I'd been out to lunch with Laura. (here's where I clarify....Evan is a "Rossi" grandchild and if you read my blog, you already know that the Rossi's are all too aware of my relationship with Laura). So, I briefly get into my dilemna and Mr. Rossi is like, "Oh, sure hon. You're tanked. I'll just drop Evan and Carli off". In other words, he thinks absolutely nothing of dropping off his grandchildren with a woman who has just spent the afternoon on a bender.
Then, Bartender, I found myself in a rousing game of connect four, Guess Who and Kerplunk with four kids under 8. That wasn't cool. What choice did I have? To ignore them? What kind of mother do you think I am? I damn good one, I'll tell you that much. Anyway, Bartender. You effed up my day. And my night. Because, it's Thursday and you know as well as I do, that tonight is primetime television. You've got your basic Big Brother 12, you've got Housewives of D.C, you've got the ever-intellectual, Jersey Shore and the always insightful, PrimeTime: What Would You Do (which always gives me anxiety). How in the Sam Hell am I going to watch my shows with a hangover as awful as mine? Why? Why would you be such a dick?
But, of course, before all these shows start, there's that time lapse between feeding the children and putting the children to bed. Bartender, I have 2 boys. Bartender, I'm sure I even mentioned that to you. So, why would you ever allow me to think wrestling my 8 year old was a good idea? I didn't believe him when he told me he was stronger than me, so to prove to him that I was stronger,. I picked him up and launched him onto the couch. What? Don't even act like you don't know that I don't back down from a dare, especially when I'm drinking. Anyway, back to me tossing my son like a rag doll. Bartender, the frame of the couch is evidentally hard. And, well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but you saw my arms....they're mad sculpted, yo. So, once the blood was cleaned up and the dentist finished up the tooth implants it was nearly bed time (yes!), but, I'm hardly in the mood for anything other than passing out. You did this to me. You. No one else. You.
I was defenseless and you took advantage. There's no two ways about it. I hardly stood a chance..... me, up against you and your top shelf booze. Hmpht. An outrage, I tell you.......
....Well. I've calmed down a bit. Ok, I can see where perhaps I may be accountable for some of my decisions today. Some. Like for example, when I wrote a letter to Laura's boss, on toilet paper, asking him if he'd hire me because I was a "Gud Speler". Like that. That may have been poor judgement on my part, but you led me to that decision. Also, when I texted the babysitter that "I would be home at never o'clock". Not such a great idea. Funny at the time, albeit. But not such a great idea. So, sorry for blaming you for ruining my day. Well, not so much ruining my day, but for allowing me to have the funnest Thursday afternoon I've had in ages!!! Love you Laura!
Thanks Bartender at Blue Water Grill!!!!
Sincerely,
Leslie Bosscher
***P.S. I neither hurled my son across the room, nor did I knocked his teeth out. Sometimes I lie.
Hi. How are you? Great. How am I, you ask? Well, let's see. It's 7:30 P.M. and I'm completely hungover. So, thanks for that. Yeah well, here's a little tip. If you see two ladies-- no, two hot chicks walk into your bar at 1:00 in the afternoon and say, "we want liquor", why must you listen? Your job is to take care of your customers, NOT to bring their stupid ideas to fruition.
So, as you're cashing out tonight and chuckling at the ridiculously generous tip you got from those two broads, I'll give you a little looksee into how the rest of my day went.
I was brought home in a cab (safety first). The babysitter smugly listens as I'm explain the cab situation. I'm sure she thought I was super classy. Then, on her check, where it says: memo, I wrote, "LIQUID LUNCH". Certainly her mother will appreciate that. Then, I was greeted by my children and a 12 decibel round of " EVAN CALLED, CAN WE GO PLAY,. CAN WE? CAN WE? CAN WE? MOM. MOM. MAMA. MOM? CAN WE GO TO EVAN'S? MOM. MOM?" My first thought was, "hells yeah you can go". My second thought was, "Shit. I can't drive them". So, I called over to Evan's to explain that I'd been out to lunch with Laura. (here's where I clarify....Evan is a "Rossi" grandchild and if you read my blog, you already know that the Rossi's are all too aware of my relationship with Laura). So, I briefly get into my dilemna and Mr. Rossi is like, "Oh, sure hon. You're tanked. I'll just drop Evan and Carli off". In other words, he thinks absolutely nothing of dropping off his grandchildren with a woman who has just spent the afternoon on a bender.
Then, Bartender, I found myself in a rousing game of connect four, Guess Who and Kerplunk with four kids under 8. That wasn't cool. What choice did I have? To ignore them? What kind of mother do you think I am? I damn good one, I'll tell you that much. Anyway, Bartender. You effed up my day. And my night. Because, it's Thursday and you know as well as I do, that tonight is primetime television. You've got your basic Big Brother 12, you've got Housewives of D.C, you've got the ever-intellectual, Jersey Shore and the always insightful, PrimeTime: What Would You Do (which always gives me anxiety). How in the Sam Hell am I going to watch my shows with a hangover as awful as mine? Why? Why would you be such a dick?
But, of course, before all these shows start, there's that time lapse between feeding the children and putting the children to bed. Bartender, I have 2 boys. Bartender, I'm sure I even mentioned that to you. So, why would you ever allow me to think wrestling my 8 year old was a good idea? I didn't believe him when he told me he was stronger than me, so to prove to him that I was stronger,. I picked him up and launched him onto the couch. What? Don't even act like you don't know that I don't back down from a dare, especially when I'm drinking. Anyway, back to me tossing my son like a rag doll. Bartender, the frame of the couch is evidentally hard. And, well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but you saw my arms....they're mad sculpted, yo. So, once the blood was cleaned up and the dentist finished up the tooth implants it was nearly bed time (yes!), but, I'm hardly in the mood for anything other than passing out. You did this to me. You. No one else. You.
I was defenseless and you took advantage. There's no two ways about it. I hardly stood a chance..... me, up against you and your top shelf booze. Hmpht. An outrage, I tell you.......
....Well. I've calmed down a bit. Ok, I can see where perhaps I may be accountable for some of my decisions today. Some. Like for example, when I wrote a letter to Laura's boss, on toilet paper, asking him if he'd hire me because I was a "Gud Speler". Like that. That may have been poor judgement on my part, but you led me to that decision. Also, when I texted the babysitter that "I would be home at never o'clock". Not such a great idea. Funny at the time, albeit. But not such a great idea. So, sorry for blaming you for ruining my day. Well, not so much ruining my day, but for allowing me to have the funnest Thursday afternoon I've had in ages!!! Love you Laura!
Thanks Bartender at Blue Water Grill!!!!
Sincerely,
Leslie Bosscher
***P.S. I neither hurled my son across the room, nor did I knocked his teeth out. Sometimes I lie.
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