I can't believe my retinas haven't detatched from my eye sockets with the amount of eye rolling I've done over the past few days.  We took our family to Disney World this week and my irritation begins the moment I arrive at the airport.  Now, it's not like I'm some big world traveler or anything.  I'm not a platinum card holding, mile high clubbing, elite-status girl.  But, I know how to travel. 

My God, it's not that hard.  I hate when you get fixated on a couple or a person and you think to yourself, "...really?  Really....that's what you chose to wear on your day of travel?  Do you own a mirror"?  And you can just picture the ritual that he/she goes thru the night before.  They're all, "....smart walking shoes.  Check.  Fanny pack.  Check.  Floral tapestry bag. Check. Suduko book. Check.  Gum/trail mix.  Check.  Ladies home journal.  Check".    Ergghh...so annoying!  People and their stupid rituals.   Would it kill you to put some thought into your outfit?  Maybe wear something other than your puffy paint sweatshirt and your Easy Spirits? (disclaimer: this applies to anyone under 60.  If you're over 60, you have an excuse. Girl, you old! )

And what about how they insist on boarding first?  They get so excited.  They hold their boarding passes and can't get onto the plane fast enough.  Not me.  I wait until the last possible second to get on the plane.   I don't want to sit there for a minute longer than I have to.  Not the nerd herd, though.  No! They run up to the gate, chewing their gum like maniacs.  They have to stop the flight attendant to tell them about their latest ailment or condition.  You know the flight attendant is all, "move along, I don't care about your blood clot". 

Let's not overlook how ritualistic they become once they're seated.  Their ass will barely hit the seat and they're frantically grabbing for their seatbelt.  Once they're safely buckled, they're intently listening to the flight attendant's instructions.  They're mentally noting the emergency exits.  They're offering gum to everyone that'll listen to them because they're very concerned about the ears of others.  Then, the plane will barely be in the air when they're nervously glancing up and down the aisles, waiting for the snack cart.  "where. thee. hell. are my damn pretzels" they seem to be saying!  They finally receive their freaking pretzels and they methodically eat them.  One by one.  Chewing with purpose.  And when it comes to the drink, they order something they wouldn't normally order at home.  They figure as long as their in the air, they might as well go crazy, break all the rules.  They order something zany, like a tomato juice or a Canada Dry.   They also drink that with a purpose.  Pick up.  Sip once. Sip twice. Put down. Repeat. Repeat. 

And THEN they get all crazy about their in-flight activities.  Look at watch.  Lean into the aisle to see what's happening.  Lean toward the window to see if they can see anything. Look at watch again. Sigh.  Attempt sodoku.  Sigh.  Put away puzzle book.  Retrieve crossword puzzle.  Work on crossword puzzle.  Pretend you're working on something more important than a crossword puzzle.  Chew on pencil and stare at ceiling. Put away crossword puzzle.  Unbuckle self.  Use restroom.  Return to seat and throw yourself back into your seat as if you've been walking for days.  Buckle self.  Repeat all aforementioned activities.   Gawd, I hate people. 

I won't bother getting into the arrival of the flight or the emptying of the plane----I don't have the strawnth.  Just know that I've become immune to other people's quirks.  Nothing surprises me anymore.  I've seen it all.  A trip around the world?  Bah!  I've seen Walt Disney World.  (see upcoming blog entitled: Mouse-Ka-TEARS where I delve more into my wacky trip to Disney)