This is about as "Disney" as I'll ever allow.  The mouse ears were purchased.  The picture was taken.  The mouse ears were set on fire, as to never be seen again.


Because I was just at the filthiest place on earth....I mean the happiest place on earth, I have to rant about it.   We brought our two ungrateful children to Disney World last week.  We purposely chose this week because be were told, "perfect time of year.....mild weather, light crowds, etc...".   Bulllll-shiiiit.  It was 90 degrees at 8 AM with 99% humidity and the crowd was unfathomable.  And this is "off season", mind you.   First of all, I feel sorry for anyone with daughters.  Magic Kingdom is a gigantic girly-money-pit.  We got by somewhat unscathed having two boys who don't give a rat's tail about princesses or fairies...or characters of any kind.  They kinda waved at Mickey once or twice, but it was more like a 'Hey. What up" kinda wave.  

Second of all, the people watching---I mean FREAK watching is like no other.  Get this.  Adult men (and women) dress up like Disney characters.  Not because they work there, I should point out, but because they choose to.  I saw so many creepy men dressed as pirates.  And not cool pirates either, but like a first-grader's Halloween costume, but for adults.  Like I said, creepy.  I also saw a grown man dressed as Woody from Toy Story.  Again, not an employee of Disney, but a patron.  He was alone too, so he didn't even have the excuse that he did it for the children.  I was so grossed out by his pedophile ways.  The most bothersome to me was the bridal mouse ears (white lace with a veil) and the groom mouse ears (complete with a top hat).   Really?  Really?  Not Turks and Caicos or Hawaii for your honeymoon....but Disney World.  Really?  Without children?  Huh.  Interesting. (loser)  Also---the wedding bands and your need to kiss every 4 seconds---not enough to show the world that you're married, but you had to spend the $30 to wear idiot mouse ears too?  

I'll end with this and then I'll complete my night with my own ritual; 2 tylenol PM's and a Miller Light.  OK, for anyone reading this who is contemplating an upcoming Disney trip, I'll say this.  Unless you enjoy 'nut-to-butt' crowds, similar to cattle and you don't mind it taking roughly 2.5 hours to get from the park to your car then you should TOTALLY do the Wednesday night light parade and fireworks.           Never. Again.   Oh, it's all balloons and fairy dust getting you into the park, but when it comes to leaving at closing time, it's a chaotic, unorganized, sometimes scary, free-for-all.  First of all, it's dark and it's late---so babies are crying.  Lots of babies.  Roughly 3 million of them.  That's a lot of strollers.... trying to get through an enormous crowd, where everyone is anxiously headed to the exact same place.  (let's not forget that people are really fucking rude at this point and soooooo agitated)  At one point, my mother in law said, "This is like a nightmare, or a really bad movie, that never ends".  Totally!   I actually felt like I was on the Titanic.  It was that kind of panic & pandemonium.  I hated every second of it.  Oh, and I should also add.... Disney World is home to the 4th largest parking lot in the entire world.   So, a HUGE mass crowd trying to get out of the park.  Then a HUGE line that either goes to the monorail or the ferry to take you to the parking lot.  But wait.  There's more.  You wait in that line for probably an hour and half.  And then guess what?  You have another line.  The tram that takes you to the parking lot....yeah, that's another 45 minutes or so.  And then you have to get to your car and get out of the parking lot and back to your condo/hotel.   From the end of the fireworks to driving out of the park was well over 3 hours.  I hated every last freaking second of it.  Like I said.  Never. Again!   While my boys were being naughty, my husband tells them, "you guys better behave or we're never coming back to Disney".  To which I replied, "well kids, we're never coming back anyway, so it doesn't really matter". 

OK.....tylenol P.M. kicking in and my hands are cramping.  Gotta go.

Oh yeah.  Ps.  Jason got up close and personal with Jasmine.  He walked up to take a picture of her and when he came back, I glanced at the camera.  He took a picture of her tits and tummy.  That's it.  Nothing else.   Hmpht.  .....