Even though I internally argue with myself over this matter, it really is a good thing that I'm married.  Yes, I often fantasize about having my own condo downtown Grand Rapids, one that it always clean, pretty and without smudges.  But, at the end of the day, it's best that I'm spoken for. 

Here's why.  I could easily become a shut in.  I enjoy my own company more than the average person. I desperately crave alone time.  So much so, that when my family goes camping (let's say) for a weekend, I literally barracade myself in my house.  So, my family forces me to go out into society, which is good. 

Also--I have serious A.D.D.  If I had to date right now, it wouldn't bode well for me....or my date.  I loathe mindless chit chat.  I absolutely hate making small talk and/or pretending to be interested.   The fact of it is, I can't pretend to be interested when I'm not, so for me to sit through forced conversation would be purely torturous.  Which leads me to my next quandary.  I can't face confronation.  I would be bored out of my skull, but I wouldn't have the balls to tell the person that I didn't like him, so I'd inevitably string them along until they assumed I'd died.  I would totally be the girl who would excuse herself to the ladies room, then I'd jump 4 stories out of a bathroom window, just to not have to face him again.  I hate awkwardness!!!   And if I ever did muster up the strength to let someone know I didn't care for their company, it would most likely be from liquid courage and it would be something crass and inappropriate like this:

Me: Shoot!  Look at the time, gotta run.
Him: Really?  It's only 9:00
Me: Yeah, but by the time I walk to my car and call all my friends to tell them about your chode.....yeah, anyway.... I'm gonna go ahead and call it a night. 

So, this (in short) is why it's better for everyone if I remain married.   Freedom and options have never been my friends.  I'm the kinda girl that thrives when she's wrangled.