Ah, 'tis the season.  It's that time of year.  *sigh*   DIdn't I just put all the Christmas sh-- away, like two weeks ago? 

I'm not totally scroogie.  I do love the coziness of the holidays.  It's the pressure of the holiday that annoys me. Everyone feels the need to cram every last thing into 5 weeks.  Your employer wants to take you out to dinner.  Your relatives all want to schedule a gathering--on 4 different sides of the family (and you & I both know that there's really only one side of the family that you care about seeing).  Your neighbors want to plan a cookie exchange.  When really, you just want to say, "yeah, I'm good---thanks, though".  I feel like people would welcome the holidays with so much more enthusiasm if we didn't put so much stinking pressure on ourselves.  

For your reading enjoyment and convenience, I've compiled a few key bullet points to ensure that your holidays will go smoothly (and more tolerable for your host, should you be the guest).

• Delegate. Delegate. Delegate.  Don't be such a martyr.   Ask your guests to contribute.  If you insist on doing all the cooking, all the cleaning and all the preparations, then don't complain about it. If you're like me and you like for things to be done a certain way (which is why there are certain dishes that I refuse to delegate out) then ask your guests to bring easy stuff (ice, pop, cocktails, paper products, juice boxes, etc)---so you can concentrate on your specialty dishes without being preoccupied with piddly things. 

 

• Think through the entire day.  If you have 19 people coming and you only have 10 places to sit, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you have an issue.  Think it though.  Kids can sit at the bar stools.  Keep the elderly folk on the main level so they don't have to do stairs.  Borrow a card table from a neighbor.  Whateva!  Think through each guest (dietary restrictions? Heavy coffee drinker? Bourbon man?)  Accommodate!! 

 

• Do whatever you can do the night before.  If this means ironing table cloths, or bringing up china from the basement....anything that will shave time off the actual party day. 

 

• Plan your meal timely.  This means, don't start your rolls at 11 in the morning.  They'll be hockey pucks by dinner time.  And don't stick the turkey in the oven at 4, when dinner is supposed to be at 5.  This might also be a good time to mention that a good hostess never has more than two drinks (because you could forget to put dinner in the oven all together).  Have I mentioned that I am NOT a good hostess, in this regard? 

 

• If you're a guest going to a party or a dinner gathering, ask the host what you can bring.  DO NOT SHOW UP EMPTY HANDED.  If you learn anything from my blog, learn that.  This does not mean bring a two liter of 7UP to cover your spouse, your 4 kids and their friends.  Not cool!  Ask the host what she is serving and you bring  a dish to compliment!  If you're from my family, you'll never go wrong bringing booze.  Or pills.  "Here Leslie, I brought you a few leftover vicodins"  Oh, how lovely, I'll put them in my medicine cabinet now! 

 

• Also, if you're a guest, don't ask to take home leftovers, unless the host offers.  Oh, soooo rude. 

 

• Alcohol is always a crowd pleaser.  It breaks tension.  It relaxes people.  Sometimes it's even a catalyst for drama.  Let's say your meal is boring and uneventful.  Just add booze and there's no telling where the fun will end.  Grandma could start blaming you for something you did 15 years ago!!  Ah, booze. 

 

• Keep wrapped trinkets on hand for those "oops---I forgot to buy you something" moments.  You may recall that I have a bit of a hoarding issue with anti bacterial soaps. I have been know to reach under my bathroom cabinet and quickly tied raffia around one of those soaps, in a pinch.  Just add ribbon....and voila---a gift~!!!

 

• Holiday cards done online!  There are hundreds of online stores that will do your holiday cards for you.  Simply upload a photo, choose a design and they'll mail them to you. All you have to do is address the envelopes (or if you're really fancy, print off address labels). 

 

•  And lastly, if you still have young children in the house here are a few tips from me regarding keeping the santa thing under wraps.  If you're recording baby's first Christmas, be sure not to reference anything that will later give away any secrets.  For example, my boys love to watch baby videos of themselves.  There's one from 2002 where I'm holding my son and talking about how daddy went to 3 different stores until we found a specific Leap Frog toy....I, I-- mean, Santa worked tirelessly trying to put it together.  Whoops---busted.  I apologized profusely to my 8 year old when he made the big discovery this year.  Also--wrap Santa's gifts in different wrapping paper.  If you have a clever child like mine (read: obsessive compulsive) then you can guarantee he'll figure it out.  And finally---don't forget about the milk and cookies for Santa (or beer and stogie in our case).  That would suck to have your kids discover a full plate of cookies on Christmas morning.

 

Happy Holidays to all and for those of you who write your annual Christmas letter....make it juicy this year so my friends and I can all read them over drinks and discuss whose is the most obnoxious!!!!

xoxoxo