Who's annoying me lately, you ask?  Well, let's see, it's December 26th.  The kids have been on Winter break for 9 days.....  I've got another 7 to go..... My nerves are shot, my throat hurts from endless conversations, my house simply can't stay clean and I've got the brain pain.  Ah, yes....ding, ding, ding.....is it the KIDS, Leslie?  

Yes. (sigh)  It is the kids.  They annoy me.  More than usual, even.   I kept thinking that all the things that annoyed me when they were little would get better as they got older.  NOPE!  I was wrong.  They only talk MORE, defy me MORE, make BIGGER messes, eat MORE, argue MORE, produce BIGGER catastrophes and well, essentially, they bug me.  MORE! 

For your convenience, I will bullet point my grievances. 

• No matter how much time, energy and money I spend on them, they want MORE.  I took them to do something special and fun on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  And it wasn't just them, mind you.  I invited friends to join us for all of these so-called-special-and-fun-events.  I warned them on Wednesday night that on Thursday, mom was going to the gym and THAT WAS IT.  No friends over, no bowling, no swimming, no nothing.  Just entertain yourselves and enjoy the comforts of our own home.  By 10 AM on Thursday I was dangerously close to drowning them both.

 

• They continue to follow me from room to room asking for food/entertainment/advice/my attention/help, etc.   In short, they aren't happy unless I'm busting hump.  The very second they sense that I might have a moment of 'down time', they're all over me like white on rice.  *and by 'down time', I mean perhaps I'm only multi-tasking 12 things instead of 20.

 

• They don't appreciate silence.  If there's barely so much as a  lull in the dialogue, one of them has to talk....not so much to me, but at me.  It's as if they can't stand for my attention to veer away from them, even for a second.  It's maddening.  If I look away, all I hear is, "MOM, MOM, MOM....MOM.....LOOK, LOOK" !!!   And it's 200 times more annoying in person than it sounds as I'm typing it.  Trust me on that one.  Unless you're one of those super moms who actually enjoys the sound of your children's constant demands.   When you can't even make a 10 minute phone call or leisurely flip through an In Style because someone holds your attention  hostage for days at a time, it'll get to ya after a while. 

 

• They love to ask me questions that either A. don't matter or B. they already know the answer to, they're just asking just for the sake of asking.   It doesn't help that Ben is a sports Rainman and he asks me endless questions, minute by minute about football stats, despite the fact that I've told him over and over that I don't...do sports.   Least of all football.  Ew. 

 

• They know exactly what bugs me and coincidentally, THAT'S what they most enjoy doing!    "Oh, you don't like it when I buzz your head with my remote control helicopter?--we're on it".       "Ohhhh, you're not a big fan of being spied on when you're in the shower?--too bad".    "And you know how you always read the Sunday paper on the couch while sipping scalding coffee...and you get super pissed when I plop down next to you because you will, in turn, spill that scalding coffee on yourself?"   Yeah, well, I happen to enjoy watching you burn, so.....it's sucks to be you". 

 

• It's never enough.  Know this if you're contemplating parenthood (run for your lives, it too late for me, save yourselves....).  Nothing you do will ever be good enough, long enough, fun enough, etc.   You can do 15 extra steps to ensure that there's not one thing that your angels could possibly want.  Guess what?  Don't even think about getting comfortable because I guarantee they'll need something else.  The hot chocolate won't be hot enough (or too hot).  Even though you packed 28 books, 12 dvds and 16 DS games, for SURE they won't be the ones they wanted.  If you brought them pretzels and lemonade, they sure wished you'd have served wheat thins and water.  Oh, you read 4 chapters of Narnia....sure wish you'd have read 5.   You get the point. 

...And this isn't so much of a bullet point as it is a side note, but nevertheless, I feel it's important to tell you that my blood pressure is sky high right now and I'm breaking out into hives by simply typing this.  That is just how highly agitated I am this week. 

• Also--I'm not a big fan of the needy-type of children.  Although I hear about children who sleep past 8--but I've never met them in person.  Or perhaps those less needy (theoretical) children DO get up early, but maybe they're considerate and they don't open their eyes and immediately think, "MUST WAKE UP THAT MOM-LADY IN A RUDE MANNER AND DEMAND THINGS OF HER".    Then of course, you beg for 10 more minutes and wouldn't you know it----9.7 minutes later, in walks the bossy one and he's reminding you of what time it is.   GRRRRR---why can't you be one of those kids who just gets up quietly without harassing the mom-lady?  Seriously, I'm not that fun.  I'm not even that nice.  Why do you always want me around? 

I'll end with this:  On Christmas morning, after all hell broke loose and the gifts were all ripped open, Ben spots the U of M blankie that I had made for him and he says, "Is that a gift"?  and Jason said, "Yeah Ben.  It's a gift from your mom.  Mom made that for you".   Ben ran over to me and said, "this is my favorite present EVER.  Mom, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me".   (sniff sniff....)   OK, so I DO have feelings, I'm not totally soulless.   I heart them.  The precious little bastards....