1. You have baby after baby just for the tax credit.
2. When you spend your child's birthday money on cigarettes
3. When you ask your extended family to pitch in to help pay for your kid's birthday party.
4. When you reference the police as 'bad guys'
5. You have uttered this exact phrase to your children, "...you aint' goin to no college".
6. When you show up to an event just because there's 'free' anything.  (unless they're giving away free homes, cars or vacations.  But this rarely happens).
7. When you're over 30 and you're out to eat with your parents and you don't even attempt to pick up the check or at least contribute to it.  For God's sake, they've fed you for over 30 years, maybe YOU can pick up the check every now and then!  Grow up.
8. When you have at least one photo of your child holding a beer/whiskey bottle/cigarette/gun (and for the record, I'm fairly certain there's a photo of me when I'm about 7 holding all four items simultaneously).
9. If fast food or mountain dew is your favorite cuisine.
10. you are genuinely relieved when the results of your baby's dna test are revealed.
11. you pick the most expensive items off your kid's birthday or Christmas list and then ask your parents or in- laws to buy it for them.  "Yep, she wants a snowboard from her grandpa, that's what it says all right". 

I have 700 more of these, but they're getting on my nerves.  Feel free to add your own. 

Oh--and I have to clarify....although I don't think I'm guilty of any of these infractions, I'm sure that I can add my own fair share of total trashy behavior that I am guilty of----but we're not focusing on me today.