Just so we're clear, we all agree that this whole stay-at-home-mom thing being "the hardest job in the world" is a total sham, right?  I mean, I'm totally on your side and I'll keep this charade going until my kids are in college, but between us girls, it's total bullshit.  I profess to my husband and anyone else who works for a living that it's 'sooooo hard', staying home, but really?  Really?  Unless I have an early morning gym class, I can pretty much stay in my jammies all day if I want to.  Coloring and playing board games isn't exactly a difficult day.

 

 A busy day for me is when I have to do three things before 5:00 P.M.   My husband must never know that this is total cush job.  I'm fully aware that it's a cake walk.  I hope he never calls my bluff because I use the following statement at least twice a month, "OH...you think it's SOOO EASY?? Why don't YOU stay home and I'll go to work"?   I'm soooo fucked if he ever takes me up on that.  Any idea what life would look like for me if I were the bread winner?  In a nutshell, my house would be in a perpetual state of chaos.  The boys would look homeless every day at school.  CPS would make regular visits to our home and by 'home' I mean, a one bedroom apartment in the ghetto because I have a degree in Psychology and that basically means I'm qualified to work in fast food. 

 

I have worked.  It wasn't fun.  I couldn't run errands whenever I wanted to.  I couldn't call my friends whenever the mood struck. I couldn't read magazines during the day.  I would have to sit there and actually do....work.  Ew.  I'm good with staying home and pretending it's the hardest job in the world.  Even though it's not.  It's perhaps the most annoying job in the world. I'll even go on record and say that it's probably the most thankless job in the world, but  I'm not saying I LOVE it.  I'm not even saying it's worth it.  I'm just saying that it works for me.  Because I'm...well, lazy.  I will absolutely stand by my opinion that most men couldn't do it.  (I said, most...not all. Settle down) 

 

Most days it just plain sucks.  The monotony is painful.  The constant (constant) talking is maddening. The desperate need for adult conversation is vast.  The rut that a mom could easily get stuck into is very obvious.  I just coughed "Michelle Duggar" into my hand.  That woman willingly gave birth to 19 children.  Nineteen.  Just let that sink in for a second.  Have you seen her?  Ok, well she clearly hasn't had a haircut in 21 years.  She wears the same freaking denim romper every day.  It's sick is what it is.  Who would do that....on purpose?  I barely have enough love in my heart for the two that I have, let alone 19 of them. Jesus. 

 

Sorry.  I got off on a tangent.  I have had hundreds of conversations in the past decade about the stay-at-home-mom vs. working mom debate.  Ima give it up to the working mom on this one. Sorry, moms clubs and scrapbookers, but your life is a song compared to what working moms have to do.  And you can't even throw mud at me because I AM a stay at home mom and I fully admit that calling my job "work" is a joke.  Sure, it's non-stop.  Yes, the sounds of childrens' voices is like nails on a chalk board to me.  And yes, a trip to the dentist could easily be my favorite part of the day.  But you know what?  Oh well.  That's what we signed up for. 

 

I'm screwed next year.  My little guy is starting Kindergarten in the Fall and God knows how I'm going to convince Jason to continue letting me stay home after Gabe starts first grade.  He'll be like, "Tick tock, your gig is up" and I'll be all, "Nah, I'm good.  But thanks"!   How do I convince him that having kids in school is almost like having a full time job?  There's the field trips (which I never volunteer to go on).  There's the centers (which I never volunteer to help at).  There's the spelling tests (which I might do once or twice a year).  There's the holiday parties (My God, the parties...who on earth will make the fruit kebobs?  If not me, than who?)   You see my point?  I'm going to drag this shit out until my kids are college bound and by then I'll have come up with a new excuse as to why I can't work.  Maybe I could be Ben's fraternity house mom??  Ben would totally call me out on that one.  I could absolutely hear him saying, "Oh please. You couldn't be bothered when I was in elementary school, but suddenly there's a cheap keg involved and you're Johnny on the spot".   I just spent the last 8 minutes starring at my computer screen day dreaming about living in a fraternity house. 

 

I digress.  At any rate, I realize this topic is more controversial than Mtv's Skins, but whatever.  I'm crazy, that way.  From here on out, I will never EVER reveal the truth behind stay-at-home-moms.  I will forever maintain that it's the the 'hardest job in the world' because we know we're all fucked when everyone catches on.  Wink wink.