Ever heard of the down low?  If Oprah were my ghost writer, she'd tell you that black men were on the down low when they want to remain in hetrosexual relationships while exploring in homosexual ones.  The 'down low', see? 

My usage of down low is a bit different.  To me, keeping things on the down low,  or "DL" (as the kids say now) means to keep it under wraps, if you will. Shut your big, fat mouth is another synonym.  For example: Anyone know where I can get some Mexican diet pills on the down low? 

 We all good on what it means to be on the down low?  The urban version and also the white, suburban version?  Great.  Moving on.... 

I live in this world where everyone feels the need to out-do everyone.  I feel like everyone is so desperate to get credit for anything they've done, it warrants this big spiral of who-deserves-more-back-patting-than-whom.  It annoys me.  The next time you read on Facebook or hear thru the grapevine that one of your acquaintances did the most wonderful, selfless thing...ask yourself this.  Why are they talking about it? Photographing it? Using it as their FB status?   

I'll tell you why, so that he or she can read 18 comments of , "that was so awesome".   "you're such an amazing friend".   "what a wonderful mother you are".   Blech.  Self-fulfilling, right? Totally.   Why not just do the right thing and then keep it to yourself?  It's the classy gal who keeps her good deeds on the down low.  And I think we've all established that no one knows classy, like me.  

I can't stand it when people insist on making a big production out of doing something nice.  Just do it and don't drag everyone else into it, because all you're really doing is making everyone else feel obligated to somehow contribue and then it's purpose is completely defeated.  Plus, if you're constantly doing shit like that, it comes across as a bit "martyr-ish" to me.  Oh-I'm-so-busy-being-thoughtful-but-I-don't-mind....   I think what it really boils down to is that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for ingenuine motives.  And I'm a scorpio....so that pretty much means I can sniff out a phony a mile away (read: cynical) .   

I dare you.  I DARE you, the next time you encounter Sally do-gooder say to them, "Do you feel better now?  Now that you've tooted your own horn and patted yourself on the back?"  Good.  Meanwhile, I'll be over here keeping my altruistic, good-natured deeds to myself.  My dear friend, Chad recently said, "Your character is how you act when no one's looking".  True dat. 

*It should be noted that I'm an asshole when people are looking and also when no one is looking.  I'm nothing if not consistant.