I hate weddings.  I hate the year of the engagement that leads up the wedding.  I hate how everything is about the bride for months and months leading up the wedding.  I hate how every single conversation has to somehow get averted back to the wedding.  I hate feigning interest in their choice of steak knives.  I hate driving across Hell's Half Acre to attend every engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, dress fitting, wedding, etc.  For the record, I've had a blast at almost every wedding I've ever attended, but that's only because I have really fun friends.  And quite frankly, I'm a blast.  But that's besides the point.  I'm pretty severely Attention Deficit and that doesn't bode well with my need to pay so much attention to the bride and groom.  I don't really care about their vow exchange, truth be told.  I'm just there for the booze.  And the cake. 

Essentially, all the reasons why I hate weddings boils down to everything getting in the way of my drinking. 

"Can you please give your attention to the bride and groom?  Please clear the dance floor so the bride and groom can share their first dance.  Everyone take your seats as dinner is about to be served.  Now everyone gather in the lobby so the newlyweds can cut their cake!  And the toasts and the speeches and and and.... "  ugh.  Leave me alone and let me drink.  Is that so much to ask? For God's sake, I drove 4 hours to get here, I bought you $250 worth of gifts, now let me get m' drink on!

Me thinks this blog will ensure a drastic decrease in wedding invitations coming my way! 

* And Angela, if you're reading this blog, this doesn't apply to you or your wedding in the least.  I'm extremely excited for your wedding in particular.  I've been rehearsing a dance that I'll be performing at your reception.   Don't worry, I won't steal your thunder.  Much.