Me: So, any news yet? Let me remind you that I will happily offer to surrogate your love child if your eggs are all dried up.

Friend: No news yet.  I'll keep that in mind. Thx.

Me:  I promise to lay off the drugs while carrying your baby, should you choose to use me as a surrogate.  I will, however, insist upon 2 epidurals while in labor. Just in case.  He'll be slightly comatosed for the first week of his life, but he should be ok.

Friend: (crickets)

Me:Oh, relax.  He'll perk up.  Eventually.