round 2 of Celebrity WTF??
I posted the original Celebrity WTF this past summer, but so many more gems have come along since then, that have caused me to say, 'wtf?' Here we go:
Ashton Kutcher broke up with Demi??? I. can. hardly. believe. it. Yeah, it's called aging. Demi, did you really think he was going to catch up to you and you were both going to age gracefully? Nice try. Besides, cougars are sooo 2009.
Kelly Osbourne: Find a maxillofacial surgeon and find one fast. If I had Black Sabbath's money, I'd have fixed that God awful underbite as soon as I could talk. Oh, and one more thing. Grey hair, really doesn't suit anyone under 70.
Beyonce and Jay-Z are the first people to every conceive and deliver a baby--EVER.
Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott: Tori, I love you. Dean, get your own life and stop riding on Tori's coat tails. Really----? You're suddenly into antiquing and throwing lavish parties now? Stick to your lame Lifetime movies and leave the empire up to Tori.
Ryan Dunn died??? And you say he was going over 130 MPH in his Porsche?? And YOU SAY he was drunk??? That's crazy talk. And everyone is standing around going, "I can't believe he's gone". Really? You can't? This is the man who stuck a matchbox car up his butt for kicks.
Heather Locklear/Lindsay Lohan/Demi Moore (part 2): All hospitalized for "EXHAUSTION". If 'exhaustion' is code-ski for 'got wasted and fell down', then yes. They were totally exhausted. I got exhausted after drinking 15 jager shots on my 21st birthday. As Will.I.Am says, "she gives hot mess a new meaning".
Kardashians: I really don't want to give them any more recognition than they've already gotten for their brilliant money making schemes. But I still hate Ryan Seacrest for discovering them.
Jessica Simpson: Quit clutching your stomach. We got it. You're pregnant. You've looked like you've been pregnant for the past 4 years.
Katy Perry: After a year of marriage you realized that Russell Brand was weird? After, huh?
Jada Pinkett & Will Smith: Their kids basically make more money than them. Yeah, that'll totally work out for them. No, no...I'm sure they won't wind up on Celebrity Rehab.
Any rapper who winds up in any pop song. (Luda--Justin Beiber, Snoop--Katy Perry, etc) = Sell out.
LeeAnn Rimes--do you even have eyes?
Kyle Richards: Are you ever NOT crying?
Amber Portwood and Jenelle Evans: Both in jail. Hee hee. That's all.
The emcee from Toddlers and Tiaras: Creepiest. "Dude". Ever.
Shiloh Jolie Pitt: I think being a tom boy is among the least of your future problems.
All of George Clooney's girlfriends, present and future: You're not the one, honey. He's not going to marry you.
Kathy Lee Gifford: Are you ever not wasted?
Demi Moore (part 3): Really? ..... Whip its? Really?
That's all I've got for now. Lucky for us, I read Us Weekly and People, religiously.
Ashton Kutcher broke up with Demi??? I. can. hardly. believe. it. Yeah, it's called aging. Demi, did you really think he was going to catch up to you and you were both going to age gracefully? Nice try. Besides, cougars are sooo 2009.
Kelly Osbourne: Find a maxillofacial surgeon and find one fast. If I had Black Sabbath's money, I'd have fixed that God awful underbite as soon as I could talk. Oh, and one more thing. Grey hair, really doesn't suit anyone under 70.
Beyonce and Jay-Z are the first people to every conceive and deliver a baby--EVER.
Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott: Tori, I love you. Dean, get your own life and stop riding on Tori's coat tails. Really----? You're suddenly into antiquing and throwing lavish parties now? Stick to your lame Lifetime movies and leave the empire up to Tori.
Ryan Dunn died??? And you say he was going over 130 MPH in his Porsche?? And YOU SAY he was drunk??? That's crazy talk. And everyone is standing around going, "I can't believe he's gone". Really? You can't? This is the man who stuck a matchbox car up his butt for kicks.
Heather Locklear/Lindsay Lohan/Demi Moore (part 2): All hospitalized for "EXHAUSTION". If 'exhaustion' is code-ski for 'got wasted and fell down', then yes. They were totally exhausted. I got exhausted after drinking 15 jager shots on my 21st birthday. As Will.I.Am says, "she gives hot mess a new meaning".
Kardashians: I really don't want to give them any more recognition than they've already gotten for their brilliant money making schemes. But I still hate Ryan Seacrest for discovering them.
Jessica Simpson: Quit clutching your stomach. We got it. You're pregnant. You've looked like you've been pregnant for the past 4 years.
Katy Perry: After a year of marriage you realized that Russell Brand was weird? After, huh?
Jada Pinkett & Will Smith: Their kids basically make more money than them. Yeah, that'll totally work out for them. No, no...I'm sure they won't wind up on Celebrity Rehab.
Any rapper who winds up in any pop song. (Luda--Justin Beiber, Snoop--Katy Perry, etc) = Sell out.
LeeAnn Rimes--do you even have eyes?
Kyle Richards: Are you ever NOT crying?
Amber Portwood and Jenelle Evans: Both in jail. Hee hee. That's all.
The emcee from Toddlers and Tiaras: Creepiest. "Dude". Ever.
Shiloh Jolie Pitt: I think being a tom boy is among the least of your future problems.
All of George Clooney's girlfriends, present and future: You're not the one, honey. He's not going to marry you.
Kathy Lee Gifford: Are you ever not wasted?
Demi Moore (part 3): Really? ..... Whip its? Really?
That's all I've got for now. Lucky for us, I read Us Weekly and People, religiously.
You nailed it! Thanks for the afternoon laugh!
Reply to this
Oh my gosh, you are so correct! I am so damn tired hearing about Demi, exhaustion and every damn excuse! Get over Ashton, he has apparently moved in long before they split!
The whole Beyonce birth and such, I'm as well tired of hearing about how much money was spent on this and that, I really don't give two shits how they spend their money!
I could honestly keep going but you pretty much hit on every celebrity story that is bothering me.
Reply to this